


The Two Doctors

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005), House M.D.
Genre: Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Regeneration Sickness (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 16:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19136410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor doesn't get much time to sulk in loneliness, before he's hit with a regenerative coma! Thinking quickly, the TARDIS brings him to the hospital of one particular, grumpy Doctor with a cane: Doctor Gregory House.





	1. E.T at PPTH

The Doctor was fiddling sadly with the controls on the TARDIS, when he suddenly got a massive headache. “Ooowww!” he muttered. Next came spasms. The TARDIS quickly changed its destination to the best hospital it could think of. “A hospital? No, no, no, NO, you know what I think about hospitals,” he protested. ‘You need to get better,’ the TARDIS argued. It was answered by a loud noise as the Doctor collapsed on the floor.

 

Doctor Gregory House left exam room 1 with a demotivated expression. He had just seen a 12 year old boy, who thought shaving his penis was necessary.. As he put down the patient file on the stack, his internal grumbling was interrupted by a loud ringing sound. He looked outside, where the noise was coming from. It appeared to be a sort of siren, combined with a beaming blue light flickering on top of a blue box. House walked out with interest. On top of the box were the words “Police Public Call Box”. “Chase!” he called out. Dr Robert Chase ran down the hall after his boss’ voice. 

  
“What is it now, House?” the Aussie doctor asked with a hint of annoyance. 

  
“What is that, and why is it here?” House asked pointing at the box.

 

“It looks like a police telephone box. Scotland Yard had these installed in the 60s. But their all decomissioned now. Wonder what this one’s here for,” Chase explained, tilting his head curiously. 

 

“Well, I suspect it didn’t show up the usual way. I’ve been in the Clinic all day, I would’ve heard a truck or a forklift moving it here. Best guess: it’s a spaceship,” House theorized. 

  
“A spaceship? You’re joking.” Chase replied, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Not this time. It rang loudly, and beamed blue, like a police siren. I suspect it intended to be noticed,” House said, seriously. 

 

“Then, why did it stop just because you came out to see it. Think it came for you?” Chase pondered.

 

At this point, the TARDIS interjected with a telepathic signal to House. 

 

‘ _ Yes.” _ it messaged to House. 

  
“Hang on. Did you hear that?” House asked, shocked by the sudden reply. 

 

“Hear what?

 

“I think the ship just said Yes,” he explained, touching the door. 

 

“I didn’t hear anything.” Chase stated. 

 

“It only speaks to me. Telepathically,” House remarked, impressed at the alien technology.

 

_ ‘What do you want?’  _ House asked the ship, attempting to communicate mentally. 

  
‘ _ Help him’  _ the ship replied, opening its doors sligthly. 

 

“Wait. I heard that! It said help,” Chase exclaimed in surprise. House nodded smugly. Chase nodded back, now accepting the fact that they were talking to an alien spaceship.

 

“Looks like we’ve got an alien patient,” House stated with amusement, walking in. Chase followed him. 

 

“Well, this is new,” House noted, mouth wide open, taking in the scientifically impossible internal dimensions. 

  
“It’s bigger on the inside!” Chase exclaimed, to which the TARDIS hummed joyfully at the familiar comment. 

 

House noticed a brown-haired young-looking humanoid alien laying next to the circular dashboard. 

 

“Over here Chase!” he called him over. 

 

“He’s in a coma. How’s his pulse?” Chase asked. 

 

“Well, that’s a difficult question to answer. He’s got two of them,” House answered. They proceeded to carry the Doctor inside Princeton Plainsboro Hospital, getting a bed on wheels to transport him to an empty room. 

 

Soon after, House and his team were standing in the Doctor’s hosptial room, the unfamiliar of which, were gazing at him with wonder. 

 

“Okay, while the two of you glare; Chase, check his left pulse, I’ll check his right,” House instructed, rolling his eyes at Cameron and Foreman. 

 

“Left’s thready,” Chase informed him. 

  
“And this one won’t stop racing. They’re uneven.” House concluded.

 

“What do we do? We can’t examine him, his biology’s different.” Cameron asked. 

 

House checked the Doctor’s pockets for assistance, as he figured the ship wouldn’t bring its pilot to the hospital with no medical information for the doctors.

 

In the right upper pocket, was the psychic paper, with a UNIT business card on it. 

  
“Looks like some kind of government organisation. Very like the British, keeping things from America,” House remarked, calling the number. 

  
A woman’s voice answered the phone. 

  
-“Unified Intelligence Taskforce, how can I help you?” she asked Dr House. 

 

-“I’m Doctor Gregory House of Princeton Plainsboro Hospital, I think we’ve ran into one of your alien employees. He’s in a coma, but stable” he explained.

  
-”UNIT only has ONE extra-terrestial operative. Can you describe the alien patient?” she requested. 

 

-”Brown, messy hair, brown stripy suit, sneakers and two hearts,” House described. 

 

The lady on the other end widened her eyes at being informed that the Doctor was ill. 

 

-”Goodness me! That’s the Doctor, he IS our one alien operative. Hold on, I’ll patch you through to the Brigadier!” she informed. “Apparently I’m going to speak to a Brigadier.

 

A moment later, an official sounding british male voice spoke to dr House. 

 

-”Hello Doctor House. I’m Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart. I hear you have the Doctor in your care?” he asked.

 

-”According to your call center woman, yes. His breathing is fine, but his pulses are all over the place. Do you have a plane you can send over with some alien experts or something? ‘Cause we don’t know how to treat an alien,” House asked politely, informing the Brigadier of the Doctor’s condition.

 

-”Yes! I’ll send a team over in a jet right away. They’ll be there in a few hours. In the meantime, just keep him under observation, use paddles on either heart if necessary,” The Brigadier instructed. House agreed. 

 

**Cross-Examination**

 

House- Okay, get your sci-fi heads in gear! Unknown aged extra terrestial patient, in a coma, with highly uneven heartrate **s** , plural. Cameron!

 

Cameron- The Brigadier wasn’t that worried about his heartrates plunging, so that rules out a heart condition. 

 

A nurse burst into the room. 

 

-Dr House! Something’s happened to your patient!

 

Chase and House ran to the Doctor. They found him totally stable, but sweating. 

 

“He’s got a fever!” Chase exclaimed, putting an icepack on the Doctors head.

 

“Never seen a fever before?” House asked the nurse sarcastically. 

 

“That’s not it. He was breathing golden light out of his mouth,” she explained.

 

House called the Brigadier directly, using the number he gave him.

 

“The Doctor’s breathing golden light. What does that mean?” House asked Lethbridge-Steward

 

“That’s regeneration energy. He DID recently regenerate. That must be what’s happening. A regenerative coma! Give me your email address, I’ll send you some info on the process,” the Brigadier responded. 

 

**Back in the meeting room:**

 

After all four doctors had finished reading up on regneration, House wrote REGENERATIVE COMA on the board.

 

House- Our patient, a specific type of alien known as a Time Lord, very fancy.. has recently regenerated. What that means is, every cell in his body got replaced. Only now, presumably from doing something dangerous in space, energy levels are fluctuating, causing the irregular heartbeats. We need to bring balance. Neutralize the regenerative energy. Ideas?

 

Cameron- Fever was just in his brain, that’s where the energy is flowing to. We need to scan his brain. 

 

House wrote “To do list: scan brain” on the board. 

 

-Anything else?

 

Chase- We need to check if the blood has clotted in either leg. 

 

“Brilliant! You can do that right away, go!” House commanded. 

 

Chase checked both legs, no discoloration. 

 

_ To be continued... _


	2. Not Sweat

2 hours later, a small group of UNIT agents greeted the team in the Doctor’s room.

 

“I’m Captain Arisa Magumbo. I’m told the Doctor is in a regenerative coma?” the agent who seemed to be in charged, presented herself, and asked dr House. He nodded.

 

“We need to know how to treat him. He had a fever and uneven heartrates,” Chase explained.

 

The agents followed House to the meeting room.

 

**Differential Meeting Room**

 

House- The Doctor’s fever, combined with the exhaling of regeneration energy, points to a spike in energy in the brain.

 

Captain Magumbo- According to reports by a former companion of his, Rose Tyler, these symptoms line up with a “neuron implosion”. Apparently the prescribed cure is tea.

 

Chase- And how do we give him that? He’s unconcious.

 

Cameron- some treatments are given through inhaling them. Just let him breathe in the steam.

 

House- Alright, get a nurse to cook up some tea, put the cup right next to his nostrils, however you can!

 

As ordered, tea was placed next to the Doctor. He began inhaling the fumes.

 

A while later, the Doctor’s eyes blinked open. He sat up abruptly and looked around. He realized he was in a hospital. He pushed the call button, which sent Doctor Chase into his room.

  
“Doctor! You’re awake!” Chase exclaimed in surprise at the clearl consciousness of his patient.

 

“Yes I am. Lovely nap. What happened after I blacked out?” the Doctor asked Chase.

 

“Your ship,” he began. “The TARDIS,” the Doctor corrected. Chase continued, “The TARDIS took you to this hospital and alerted House of your condition, he brought you in. We got UNIT agents sent over, who suggested curing you with tea.

 

“Tea fumes! Superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. They remembered!” The Doctor said with glee.

 

“How are you feeling so far?” Chase asked.

 

“Good. Bit cold, probably from the ice pack over there. Don’t know about my pulses,” the Doctor answered ,and began checking his arm. Chase quickly grabbed the other arm. They found slight unevenness still.

 

“Hmm. Seems my hearts are still struggling to catch up. Should be better with bedrest. Good thing I’m in a hospital, TARDIS is way to lively for a nap,” the Doctor noted.

 

“Good. We should get you out of here soon. Toilet’s over there if you need it,” Chase informed him, pleased with the Doctor’s improved condition.

 

“Think I’ll be alright. Bladder’s plenty bigger than a human’s. Should be a day or too. Thanks anyway,” The Doctor responded politely.

 

“Wouldn’t make assumptions if I were you,” Chase advised with a smile, walking out. The Doctor laid back down, grabbing a copy of a Harry Potter book from his coat pocket.

 

**Day 2- 2:32 AM**

 

The Doctor woke up in a cold sweat, and summoned Cameron who was the one assigned to night duty.

 

“What’s the problem? Can’t sleep?” Cameron asked him kindly.

 

“No. I’ve been sweating in my sleep. Could you check my temperature, hard to do it with my own hand,” he requested, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“Sure,” Cameron replied, putting a thermometer in his ear.

 

“14,9. You’re actually a smidgen under your baseline temperature. Could it be a cold sweat?” she asked.

 

“It feels like it now, figured it just got cooled by the room,” The Doctor remarked.

 

Cameron, pulled aside the comforter, uncovering the wet spot. She rubbed a cotton pad on it and smelled it.

 

“Smells off,” Cameron noted. The Doctor grabbed the pad on sniffed it.

 

“Oh..”, he muttered silently in realization.

 

“You know what it is?” Cameron asked, noticing his reaction.

 

“Yes.  I don’t think it’s sweat. It’s urine. I’m sorry,” The Doctor apologized, slightly embarrassed.

“It’s okay, your brain was in overdrive 12 hours ago. It happens,” Dr Cameron assured him.

 

“I’ll call a nurse to get you new sheets,” she told him, leaving the room. The Doctor went into the bathroom to clean up a little.

 

Foreman ran into the nurse in the hallway.

 

“Those sheets for the Doctor?” he asked her. She nodded.

 

“He wet the bed,” she explained.

 

Foreman went into House’s office and told him what happened.

  
“What do the files say about his urinary system?” he asked House, wondering if there was cause for concern.

 

“We can’t rely on those yet, we can’t be sure his systems are working within normal range yet. He inhaled tea, it probably condensed as his body cooled down. Who knows how long it’s been since his last potty break,” House replied with a shrug, not really worried.

  


The Doctor was woken up again at 5 AM by a need for the toilet. He walked to bathroom and went, frowning as he walked back to bed.

 

 _Too early for_ **_another_ ** _pee,_ he thought with confusion.

 

**8:30 AM**

 

Chase greeted the still sligthly groggy, Time Lord in the morning.

 

“How did you sleep? After 2 AM, I mean,” he asked the Doctor, who blushed, but nodded in resignation.

 

“Not too well, woke up 3 hours later to empty my bladder,” the Doctor answered with a sigh.

 

Like Pavlov’s dogs, his bladder took his words as a prompting to wake up, itself.

 

“Ooh, speaking of,” the Doctor remarked, bending over as his bladder spasmed hyper-actively. He excused himself to the toilet, once more.

 

As Chase heard him wash his hands, he asked the Doctor if he was thirsty.

 

“Not really. Still some energy traces in my urine. Reckon my four kidneys are maintaining water levels to expel it faster,” the Doctor noted, sighing as he understood why he was peeing at human intervals.

 

“Well then, see? Told you not to assume things about your bladder. You just gotta let it do its thing. _Run its course_ , so to speak,” Chase advised.

 

“Not like I have much choice. Don’t much fancy wetting the bed again,” the Doctor replied sarcastically, in agreement.

 

“Neither does any human,” Chase said with a chuckle. “By the way, what color was your urine just now?” he asked, getting the pen and chart ready.

 

“No infections. Minus the glowing yellow, brown,” The Doctor answered.

 

Chase checked the table over possible urine colors for a Time Lord. Brown signified a “tea stuff” surplus.

 

“I think we’re gonna need to install a catheter, get the excess tannin out,” dr Chase explained to the Doctor. “Won’t hurt, but WILL let you sleep and pee at the same time,” he assured the Doctor with a smile. The Doctor grinned, and nodded in agreement.

 

**11:54 AM**

 

Foreman walked into the Doctor’s room. He noticed the Time Lord was bent over on his side with his knees up.

 

“Something wrong with the fluid?” He asked, referring to the diuretic they were administering.

 

“Yeah, that. It’s Xylodine, right?” The Doctor asked.

 

“Yeah, according to our notes the correct diuretic,” Forman confirmed.

 

“Wrong! Radolin is a Gallifreyan diuretic, _Xylodine_ sends harmful substances out of you BOTH ways..” the Doctor explained with an annoyed sigh. The catheter meant he couldn’t get out of bed to deal with his stomach.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll get you a bedpan,” Foreman apologised, grabbing a bedpan from a table next to the door. What followed was a mildly humiliating experience of the Doctor pooping in a metal dish.

 

A switch of medication and a 5-hour nap later,

The Doctor was finally discharged. After thanking the hospital staff, saluting Captain Magumbo begrudgingly, and about 3 more trips to the loo, as the diuretic was still in his system, the Doctor climbed into bed dreaming of meeting Queen Elizabeth again the next day. The End.


End file.
